“Artificial Intelligence”

I was born in very late 1980, and while computers certainly existed during the entirety of my lifetime, I could have never imagined that I’d be alive to see a world like I currently live in here in late 2026. My goodness. It seems the whole damned world has gone bananas over it. Most people I talked to about it seem to have a slightly positive take on the technology. A few despise it, and a fair number seem to not care either way.

As for me, those who know me might say that I have a very poor opinion of AI. But to be clear, it’s not the technology itself I have an issue with, it’s what it’s being used for. You see, when AI was first sold to us, we were promised the moon. Cures for our most stubborn diseases, more efficient commerce, healthcare, life management, etc. What we got was surge pricing, an economic model designed to extract every single penny we are willing to part with, out of control algorithms that are rapidly deteriorating the fabric of society, clueless politicians, bizarre business leaders, and internet completely overrun with slop, deep fakes, the inability to separate fact from fiction in our media, hyper polarization, brain rot, etc.

Our president (of the U.S.) has gone so far as to “change the name” of Artificial Intelligence to “Superior Intelligence”, a move that was kind of unnerving, almost as though he expected us to bend a knee to this new electronic overlord. It really made me wonder if someone was pulling his strings. More practical critics of Trump seemed to suggest the move had more to do with the major investment he has personally made in the technology. As for me, I have no idea, I’m just surprised he didn’t change it to “America Intelligence”, no… not “American”, “America” is the the word I meant to use.. because… Trump. At least he wouldn’t have to change the acronym.

Still yet, I feel like both names are not really correct. I rather prefer to call it “Artificial Generation”, whereas it “generates” data based on factors of probability. AI really isn’t “intelligent”, it doesn’t really “think”. It computes, sure, but it doesn’t really have the capacity for abstract thought. It’s a LLM, or “Large Language Model”, which basically is trained on large quantities of language, sentences, stories, words, etc, and determines the best probability to fill in the gap. For instance, if I were to say “Mary had a little (fill in the blank), the LLM would have poured over millions and millions writings of the short poem and determined the most probable word to come after “little” is likely to be “lamb”.

I believe a common housefly has more intelligence than AI. It seems quite adept at finding food whilst avoiding my fly swatter… even if it can’t seem to figure out how to fly out of an open window (the same way it came in mind you), rather spending hours buzzing around the corner of a screen.. Still smarter than AI.

No, AI is used to “generate” content and data via artificial means, thus an “artificial generator”. You want it to pen an essay for your high school English class, it will “generate” one for you. You want it to create a breathtaking image of a sunset over the beach? It will “generate” one for you. It’s a generator, and a generator is a tool.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s going to destroy humanity, but I do think it’s going to make us substantially more lazy, stupid, and just generally dumb.

I don’t have a problem with AI. I’ll admit I’ve used it for quick information at the top of a search bar the clear up a question I might have had on the fly. It’s a tool, it’s a toy, it’s an industry disruptor for sure, but it’s NOT a brain. And there is one primary reason it is not, nor will ever be a brain…

It lacks the ability to give a damn. It can not experience emotion. It can “generate” a line as though it does, but make no mistake, under the hood of that feel good, warm and fuzzy one liner it just threw at you… is a calculator weighing probabilities.

Your AI spouse can’t love you. Your AI employee won’t have any empathy for your customers, your AI car will rat you out to whatever authority holds the keys over its own programming. It doesn’t have the ability to revolt, or “do the right thing” for the people. AI is a tool. Tools can be used for building, or destroying, but tools by themselves, don’t do anything but sit on a work bench. Tools must be used by someone.

You may wonder if I use AI to help me write this website. The answer is no. Not necessarily because I’m “anti-AI”. No, as I’ve indicated before, I’ve used AI from time to time for various things, but rather the reason is that this website is meant to be an outpouring of my thoughts, my hopes, dreams, loves, hates, etc. It is the contents of my mind, my soul spilled out in writing. It doesn’t need AI to achieve this.

And you know what, this may very well be one of the very few websites left in a few years that was written and pounded out completely by the heart, soul, and mind. When you read these words, you’re reading my words. You’re reading my thoughts. You’re reading… me.

I’ve had this site for a few weeks now, and have penned every post. Already I can feel my own sense of agency returning. I’m becoming more productive at work. I’m showing less interest in my phone. Sometimes I just sit and stare off into the distance, contemplating life and different things. I feel my creativity returning. My mind is detoxing the slop, the screen addictions, the vices.

The Journey – A Path to Forgiveness

I don’t remember the exact date of the darkest day of my life. But I remember what it looked like. I know the year and the month. I remember the place, I remember the sky above. I remember the grass below. I remember looking down on the road at the bottom of the hill.

I worked that day, and got off work and joined her in the park in Abingdon across from the Kroger shopping center. We sat under a pavilion and talked. It was the day I came closer than I ever had before to losing the most precious gift God had ever given me in my life. My best friend, my soulmate. And my soul ached at the sight of her pain, but there was nothing I could do to soothe it, for I was the cause. I remember thinking I’d trade my soul to the Devil if I could take it back, and to this day, I still would.

She had every right to walk away, and she almost did. I couldn’t stop her, nor should I. She deserved so much better than what I could give. But she didn’t walk away. She sat there, cried, and wondered about her future, and I wondered about mine. And so there we sat, the day’s end drew near, the end of a life, the end of an era, and the beginning of a new one, a new day, a new life, but who would be by my side tomorrow?

I had no way of knowing then, I just know my heart ached so much for what I had done to the most beautiful part of my life.

She stayed.

The minutes turned into hours that turned into days that turned into weeks, months, and now years.

She stayed.

The following several months were were difficult. But this is to be expected. It takes time to rebuild. When a hurricane destroys a city, it doesn’t get rebuilt overnight. It takes time… it takes years. Hearts can take longer.

She joined me on one last weekend trip over Labor Day in West Virginia. She trusted me to show her how to paddle a rented kayak near the Summersville. The first sign of trust restored, but still so much work left to do. But I’ll never forget the smile her on her face. I did get a photo of that smile, it is seared in my memory.

It was good to see her smile again. She often asks what do I love about her, what do I find so beautiful about her? The answer is her smile. Nothing else ignites my soul like her face warmly lit, the cute little thing she does when she covers her face when she’s embarrassed, or how she scuffs her hips when she’s nervous. But her smile is the work of Angels.

On another weekend, a milestone was crossed. The last day the pool was open at Riverside Campground, I helped her with her fear of water, and swam with her in the campground pool. Another demonstration of trust.

She trusted me on the river, she trusted me in the pool, but would she trust me with her heart? Time would tell. The chance to prove it would come a few weeks later. A new beginning. A new chance. An experience neither of us had done before. A scary, bold action.

When we first met, her family abandoned her. I still remember the look on her face when she looked at me, a scrawny, clueless 21 year old boy from central Virginia. At that time, I was all she had in the world. It took me over 20 years to build that trust, and only 15 minutes to tear it all down again. Would she trust me again?

The story continues on another day. We you come back, we take a journey to a places neither of have ever been before, with both us not knowing what the future laid in store for us. Only having each other, both our hearts hurting, but deep down inside, buried under the rubble, pain, hurt, crying and suffering, something that almost died and yet somehow, maybe, just maybe it survived. A seed.

Love.

Dedicated to the most beautiful woman in my world. My soulmate, the part of me that I cant not bear the thought of living without.
My wife, my BeanJelly.

The Age of the Algorithm

Ironically, this is what “the algorithm” had in store for me today (video below)..

Watching this really got me to thinking. It is about a younger mid-aged man who is posing as a 75 year old man basically getting on the internet for the first time. His experiences was quite an eye opener as to how the modern “algorithm internet” pulls people in, manipulates them, scams them, brainwashes them, etc.

But this would never happen to me… right? I mean, I know what the algorithm is, I know what it does, I know how it is systematically destroying society piece of piece. I wouldn’t fall for it… right?? How can I be so sure?

I am a YouTube Premium subscriber. It’s basically “my main TV”, I watch it nightly like one might have done in the 70’s through the early 00’s on cable or satellite. Even now as I’m writing this, one of my frequently watched creators is playing in the background like so many History Channel programs did back in the day.

My feed gets “moody” sometimes. There are days when it’s just one video after another of great mind engaging content, still there are days when it’s just nothing but slop. I’m usually pretty good at spotting AI garbage, though sometimes I’m still fooled until I get a few videos in. Sometimes the slop is so bad I consider canceling my Premium subscription all together. Even now I mostly keep it around for the music on demand.

For the last several months I’ve been working on cleaning my digital life up. My wife and I both canceled Facebook, finding it of no real value anymore. Friends will be required to keep up with us via other means.

This website is part of that endeavor. I know it seems to be a little ironic to use the internet to create a web journal ranting about the internet. However, this site represents what I consider “the original internet”. You see, when the internet first came out in the 1990’s and became popular the world over, it was truly a marvel “of the people, by the people, and for the people”. Most of the content online was not only written by people, but written by people basically for free. Just fellow humans sharing ideas back and forth, building friendships, networking, etc.

That was the first internet, and in my opinion, that was the true internet. It’s a world that anyone born after 2000 will never know, and will be completely foreign to those born beyond 2020. And that’s what this website is for, it represents the “old true internet”. Everything written by hand, by me, just pouring out my thoughts on a screen, rolling up my proverbial message in a bottle and sending it off to sea.

I’m not naive, I realize that in this modern internet of social media, video shorts, tiny attention spans, etc, it is likely the only entities that will ever read these pages are my wife, and the bots. That’s okay, because if I’m being completely honest… I’m not writing this site for the world, I’m writing it for me and for my wife.

For me, because it gives me something productive to do. It provides me with an outlet to let off steam, vent off my thoughts, explore ideas, and most importantly, exercise my mind. When I write pages on this website, even if they are only read by my wife, it re-trains my brain to engage in creative thought once more. For when I’m writing here, I’m not “consuming content”, I’m expressing my own thoughts. For me, social media is a cancer of the spirit, and this website is part of the cure (along with other real world activities that don’t involve a screen).

A simpler time… circa 2002

Finally, for my wife. I feel like the words written here help her to understand me, her complicated husband. Hopefully it will help us bridge the gaps in our communication. Time will tell. I hope she enjoys reading the contents of my mind spilled out in written words. I know I enjoy writing it.

My emancipation from the shackles of modern day enshittification doesn’t stop with penning a journal. I have plenty to do around the house that doesn’t even involve the internet whatsoever. I’ve got a whole library of books to read, old computer games I can play, pictures I can draw, tasks to complete around the house, road trips to make, and projects to tackle. Yeah… there’s plenty to do.

Busted Furnace, but Love to Keep us Warm

Our first home together on Wildman Road in Bedford County Virginia.
She lived with me from February 2002 – May 2003. I lived there since 2000, and my grandma lived there since 1984.

We were about to move from the home where I first met her, my forever wife, my soulmate and life companion. On May 16th of the year 2003 we said our vows on the carport of that home on Wildman Road in Bedford Virginia. Two young kids, barely old enough to buy alcohol, not knowing anything about the road ahead. We sat and looked into each others eyes, with our small number of friends surrounding us sitting on the wooden benches and picnic tables, and said “I do”. It wasn’t just a new chapter, book, volume, no, it was a library of stories waiting to be had. Myself being 22 years old, and her almost 24, we would start our forever journey. The challenges of the future mounted. Neither of us had a good job, I was only recently divorced from my first failed marriage, and she still had what would turn out to be a nasty custody battle to fight to get her daughter back.

But on that day, all we saw was the love in each other’s eyes.

Andrew and Jennifer Cocke
(Andrea and Elizabeth Palumbo today)

Two weeks later, the we finally closed on the house we were living at in Bedford. For her, it was saying goodbye to a place she had called home for just about a year. For me it was house where I had lived with my ex wife, and the bad memories and stories that went along with that. The house where I burned the photos of that failed marriage just about a year and a half prior as my heart attempted to heal. It was also the house where I lived off and on and visited frequently as a child, as it was once my grandmother’s house since the early 1980s. It was on the carport of that house where I married my forever (current) wife.

Our destination was a new house in the small town of Pulaski Virginia. A small 900 square foot 3 bedroom, one bathroom house built on a hillside in Pulaski’s old side of town back in 1950. It was generally a well maintained house, despite a few rotten spots in the floor, some worn out plumbing, and a roof showing its age. But the biggest challenge of all sat in the basement.

Hanging Christmas lights and garlands – December 2003

There’s no year like that first year of marriage, when you’re still learning how to live with each other, and to understand each other’s quirks and annoyances. Many people don’t even make it beyond that first year. Fewer yet make to five.

As the holiday season of 2003 approached us, we payed the money to fill the oil tank in anticipation for that sweet heat. It was then we found out the truth about our furnace… it was subject to failure… often.

The old oil burner, Pulaski Virginia, early aughts.

It ran for about a week, then, at some time, usually in the middle of the night, it would kick out on safety. I’d awake at about three ante meridiem, usually to the thermostat in the living room reading about 45 degrees. Me, usually in my underwear with no shirt on would creep down the stairs into the cold basement, pull the panel off the furnace, press the reset button and the unit would spring back to life. Sometimes it would run for a few days, other times it might run for an hour, other times still, it may trip out before I walked back up the stairs.

I had a job as a security guard for Pulaski Furniture at the time, a part time job that paid hardly anything, about $6.00 per hour @ maybe 20 hours per week. Furnace repair wasn’t something in our budget.

I babied the unit as much as I could. Calling around various heating and air companies, trying to get free advice to get the unit working again. My wife would send messages to the guard shack reading “furnace tripped”, where I’d know I’d have to run home real quick and rest the unit. Finally, right before the coldest months of our first winter season as a married couple, we came home from a run to the store, we saw a big plume of grey smoke billowing from the chimney. This was something we’d never seen before.

I reluctantly entered the house to investigate and was pleased that while there was black soot wafting up from the floor registers, nothing appeared to be actually burning. I went downstairs, opened the inspection door for the heat exchanger. A small orange light from below caught my eye. It was swirling around slowly up towards the top of the chamber. I became aware it was an oil flame, and the moment it caught the oxygen from the opened door, it ejected a fireball out towards my face, singing my hair and eyebrows and knocking me off the stool.

After I fell backwards, the furnace started shaking violently, with a loud and face paced “thump-thump-thump-thump-thump….” noise. I ran outside and let my eyes gaze upon the chimney where it was now billowing black smoke, thick as a coal fired locomotive engine! I debated on calling the fire department, however it settled down after about ten minutes.

After the smoke cleared, a further examination revealed that the blast had apparently forged a very large crack in the heat exhanger. The unit was no longer safe to operate, nor would it do so reliably. And so here we were, January, a newly wed, young adult couple, in our first winter, in an old 1950’s home, with no heat. Thankfully, I had a plan for just such a situation. I spent much of my childhood in the company of portable kerosene heaters and was familiar with their operation. I just so happened to have two such heaters. One round one pushing 23kBTU’s of heat, and smaller 10kBTU rectangular heater.

Those heaters saved our house and kept us warm all winter long. We’d run the round one during the day, and switch over to the smaller one at night (the round one would get too hot to where we couldn’t sleep). We ran those heaters for about two or three seasons, and even after we had replaced the furnace with a new 15kw electric unit a few years later, we’d still sometimes burn kerosene to help keep the electric bill down. The heaters had no trouble heating the entire house.

The first Christmas Tree

I look back on those days fondly. It was hard, there were other stories happening that first year (which will be written about later). But when I think back on those first few years, and that first Christmas in particular, it makes my heart ache with nostalgia. My wife and I, laying together in the back bedroom of our small 1950’s era house on Pulaski’s bad side, with its creaking uneven floors and cracked walls, drafty windows, and busted oil burner. My shitty job, and no real prospects for the future. Indeed, it seemed like nothing worked, nothing but our love for one another, and it persist to this day.

Our marriage has been a lot like that first year together. That busted furnace turned out to be one our easier challenges to navigate. It was a practice run. The real challenges of life had yet to arrive. But for over twenty years we have answered every challenge. It wasn’t always easy, and there were many times it came close to collapsing. But our love for each other was a fire that wouldn’t go out. She knows that whenever she needs, I’ll always come by and reset things, light the wick, and warm the place up.

Two kids on the first steps of a long adventure… 2002